What if...

What if...

• The notebook you use to jot down your feelings, thoughts or God given revelations to even blog here is found lost?
• The coffee you drink in your office gives you pimples, the pimples goes away when stop drinking few days.
• You found that you are getting weaker, and your are not ready for Ironman but the event is in 9weeks time.
• You schedule is so cramp but things keep coming in, you are not getting enough rest.
• You felt the time is right for you to leave your company, other company mind your 2 months notice.

What makes you go for it, What makes you stay, what makes you leave...

What makes you go for it, What makes you stay, what makes you leave...

At 1 time we are excited about a new job, new role, new hobby, new sports or even a new relationship. You have so much idea what that or which ever of these can get you to.

Getting a payout, that you never had before, the kind of experiences that you will get is even more rewarding. You travel on business trips, to places you never been before, meeting people of all levels. Managing them will becomes one of your new skill. You are in a leading MNC in the blooming industry.

You work hard & long hours, humble yourself to ask questions, just making sure that you learn everything of 2 lesson in just a time of 1, Always looking for opportunities just to outshine the others, taking as much or what ever task that was available or given to you.

Fatigue came, you were tired, but because you know what you want, you preserve, you can see the out coming results, a result that you assume every bit of them.

But months later, nothing changes, you think you become under paid, too much work, unappreciated you are. So familiar with the work flow, people and company culture, I shouldn’t be here you think. Looking in the papers, tidy up your resume, ready to proceed with project move on.

What is fear? - or Should i ask What is fear to you?

What is fear? - or Should i ask What is fear to you?

Spirits, Ghost, Psycho, Aliens, Werewolves Dracula and so many more are the most common fear factor any fiction, all these characters are made into interesting stories then movies and so on…

In those story, the victim usually encounter the characters with tremendous fear, most of the time being pursued or haunted by them.

Unknowingly there are side effects after watching such movies or reading such book. Readers bring themselves into the stories and believe that the characters are alive. These are all extreme cases I believe.

Some say that when we were young, we were braver, perhaps as we age, our experiences compile more practical fear to us, which make many living in different form of fear. So what is this fear? Someone having financial difficult, fear of the debts to come? Students that fear that they don’t do well, they will not get a good job, they can’t make money or even a living? Fear of disappointing someone? Or fear someone will disappoint you? Fear of others comments or fear of judgment of others? Fear being misunderstood, fear not being love. This is not something easily to recognize even if you did, you might not have the courage to overcome them. Look at it, how they come about? What fear really is? I ask and I ask, what is fear? I found so much kind of fear, but what is fear? I ask again. Go deeper, and you will understand, He says.

A friend told me, “ fear is a situation when you have no control over, or no knowledge about what is going to happen but subconsciously, you have a perception of something drastic or unpleasant will be the consequences... that set u into having fear over that situation.” These was her exact words, she is the only that responded to me.

So fear is something that you can’t control?

In fact it is something you control. Fear is usually choreograph by oneself, sometimes with the encouragement of another. Proposing a situation to happen is the birth of fear, many times it starts with a “What if”. The development continues when the details are being fixed in by the choreographer and the intensity level of fear is just like a knob to control your reading light, tune it to the right, you will be reading in the day, tune it to the other end, you get lost in darkness and in the story, then the story stops, therefore you even if the story will be different from what is choreograph, you cannot see it. And what you fear (no, you expect), were made to come to pass.

[Job 3:25-26]

“ What I feared has come upon me; what I dreaded has happened to me. I have no peace, no quietness; I have no rest, but only turmoil."

So what you fear? I see myself fall into this trap many times, because of this I procrastinate many things of my life, love, career, challenges, it is always the “what if” and “what if” that tries to make the decision. My friend who responded to me said that she was going through something and started thoughts about what fear is. I guess she is right, moments when you cannot think right and make a decision, it is time you think what fear really is. It happened to me, I ask for God wisdom in time like now. How about you?

He always does - what if He does not

He always does - what if He does not

I was reading an article send by a friend, I open it up yesterday and then close up after reading the few sentences, normally I do not have the patience to read unknown person’s journal or whatever, reading is just never my cup of tea (beside those that I really need some reference from, the only other book is the Holy bible, maybe) but I am glad this morning I open it up again .

As I read, the dam across my eyes begin to malfunction, tears just rush through my eyes even when I was resisting it. My office is packed with ladies, young or old, married or available, tall and short. It is not a scene or an image that Mr Cool wants to project.

Anyway the article speaks to me about the trust we have in God. I thank God for what I am now and really excited about my future, many times I just felt so much and thankful that God is always with me. No matter what I do. It is simple for me to speak out praises to Him. Just so many things I can thank Him about.

There was a moment of common thinking as the writer and I read on. What if God stop doing what He has been doing to you, what if He wants you to stop what you are doing now? What if He wants you to go through some trials?

Many left God because they go through trials, other left Him because they were drown in Him blessing and forgot Him. If I am not either if them, what will I be?

And you?

Isaiah 45:2-3(NIV) I will go before you and will level the mountains; I will break down gates of bronze and cut through bars of iron. I will give you the treasures of darkness, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the Lord, the God of Israel, who summons you by name.

v22- 23 (The Message) “I am God, the only God there is, the one and only. I promise in my own name: Every word out of my mouth does what it says. I never take back what I say. Everyone is going to end up kneeling before me.”

Spirit of Excellence - Who’s Standard?

Spirit of Excellence - Who’s Standard?

Talking about putting on the green, for most of us, it is not just the 2.5years, we still need to serve another 10 years cycle. I start my 1st of the 10 last Aug. I thought I can get away from my work stress for 3weeks and relax from them, and I did.

But it wasn’t for the physical stress with all the shouting and little sleep time, my weekend was eve burned. I counted each day and realize at the end of it I still got 9 years to go. But Mr. Optimistic found a way to run away from these ICTs by just running. Confused? I discovered that in my unit (2PDF), there is a running team and they basically do nothing but train and run competively for AHM&SBR. Be part of the team and convert your runs to ICTs and ICTs to just runs. Some kind of advertisement ya? But I see that as a chance.

For whatever reason I have been crazy about all this marathons, biathlons & triathlons and was pretty disappointed when I missed AHM2006 for my first ICTs. In order to make use of this passion ( yes, passion), I went around looking for info, calling in to find out the charge. Finally after months I get to speak to the team leader yesterday, a full time Lieutenant Colonel. I went point blank confidently and tell him that I know that is such perk that I can just run AHM competitively as my ICT.

LTC Ho> That’s right MArk! So what is your timing?
MArk> [Ahem…] Last year wasn’t able to take part due to ICT, 2005 I did 1hr50+…(actually is ++++++…)
LTC Ho> Ic… by in order to get into the team to enjoy the perks, you need to be at least sub 1hr25mins that is our runners average timing.
MArk> …. [Stun…]
LTC Ho> Maybe you long time never train, if you can at run at sub 1hr30 maybe I still can pull you into the team, why not you just come join our training, we got all the support for all this long runs… [blah blah blah….]… here my email, once I got yours I will copy you for all training… [blah blah..]
MArk> [still in in the stun..] eh… ok, I will email you..

Nothing life and death, but it causes some disappointment, a kind of feeling difficult to explain. It like you got your primary 6 PSLE result with straight “A”s, as a kid, you were excited how please your parents are and how they are going to reward you. When you go to them they told you need a PhD before they reward you. Ok fine.. this is not a good example, I try using air ticket to explain to someone, it wasn’t a good analogy and she didn’t understand also.

Anyway I thought to myself, I thought I always have the spirit of excellence that God has taught and given me, but in fact what I do I just compete against, people or things I know. I realize my vision is small, constraint by the aperture I look through. I work only hard enough get where I wanted, to outshine my colleagues at work, train for all the sports I compete in, only to find that I am competing among my friends. Got to be part of the worship team to sing for my church on Sunday, worshipping the Lord with the voice I felt is sounded ok. I was contented by just doing things of my standard, people who has extremely good result they are just rare cases, super talents or professionals. Those were my excuses.

Being proud after achieving your own standard gains you no honor nor adding glorification to His splendor but able to work towards His, which bring Glory to Him, honor will be given by Him. I believe He is using this experience to tell me that I can do more, because He is a God of so much more. Be able to humble and work towards His standard is a challenge to me. It is impossible! But I know You will help me, reveal more to me Lord.

Men in green via SMSs

Men in green via SMSs

Remember your Army days? The language you spoke and the way your conversation is conducted, be it you are a man or commander, it is just so army. It is so amazing as it will only happen when you are in those uniform (I thought) when you are back to civilian life, it’s like the reset button is being pushed and you not even become civilize, you become smarter.

Something happened today, all of the suddenly in just a few SMSs, I was transported back to the past with one of my friend. You see we serve our national service at least 12years apart but army language never differ since from his days.

It started when I was begging around for some songs needed to help out in a wedding, apparently they were not familiar songs I sing every Sunday. Started texting 1 of my brothers who has a library of all this.

MArk> Bro, do you happened to have the song 耶和华祝福满满?
Bro> Yes, bro. U mean the CD or song sheets with chords?

MArk> Great bro… I need the song for someone wedding I and Sheryl will be helping out. You have?
Bro> Is it alright if I pass u the CD on SUN? Anyway, the original CD is Hokkien but can be sung in Mandarin also. It will be a challenge to u to sing in Hokkien. Ha, Ha

MArk> Thanks bro.. I am hokkien Ge Shen Ok ;) Haha.
Bro> Actually, I want to tell u that u have no problem singing Hokkien because u are also a Hokkien ‘Peng’ and Ah Beng. Ha, ha. Thank God you are not so Ah Beng now.

MArk> I am a sar tiao Ok!
Bro> What’s sar tiao?

MArk> Sergeant
Lance Corporal Bro> Yes, sar tiao Lance Corporal ‘lau chiao’ reservist Bro reporting to u.

Sergeant MArk> I dun care you old bird or new bird.. Under my command I say sleep you sleep eat you eat understand! Hahahah!
Lance Corporal Bro> Yes, sergent. When u ask me to jump, I don’t just jump. I’ll ask u how high to jump. When you ask me ‘sen’ chao bo. I’ll ‘cheong’ and charge all the way. Ha, ha.

Sergeant MArk> You try to act smart is it?! Take 7!
Lance Corporal Bro> U so ‘sayany’ me. 7 push up is chicken feet, haha all the way.

Sergeant MArk> Hello lance corporal! You really try to be funnie ar! Act smart again right! 7 push up my foot! 7 extra understand!
Lance Corporal Bro> I surrender all. I surrender all, bro.

Sergeant MArk> …-_-“

Is it dumb to watch movie alone?

Is it dumb to watch movie alone?

I put up the title as my msn nick today, just to check out some reaction on this. I got some responds, mostly the answer is No. Personally I don’t think it is dumb too, and dumb wasn’t really what I really meant. Anyhow these were the advantages I gathered; you get to chose where to watch it, when time you prefer and the movie that no one is interested in. It is just you and your movie! Sounds cool?

So far, only those who did it before respond to me, I haven’t hear anyone who never did watch a movie alone give any suggestion to my question.

Years back, I was force to watch alone, bought 2 tickets somemore, I didn’t enjoy it. Maybe I think differently now in another situation. I should really find out myself, but to friend who always watch movies alone ( I am not referring to dvds and those you download.) too often, I genuinely think that it is not healthy. ;D

God of all languages

God of all languages

Ever thought that Christianity is only for the English speaking? Attending Church for years, I have never doubt that God has sent Jesus for EVERYONE. Including those in mine, it was known to me that there are church services for other races and languages for many years. Yesterday was the first time I attend a Hokkien service. Two big steps for me. To worship, pray and understand sermons in mandarin is really a challenge to me, now Hokkien! But I really enjoyed it, really bring me a new insight, to realize things that I have already packed up in another language

The lyrics of the songs were so meaningful and true. But what really touches my heart is to see the old folks (which makes up most of the population) there worshiping the Lord, their heart were sincere and devoted, this is what I saw, no arguments about it. Many of them who may have some difficulty moving, bowed with the rest during the worship, reminding me what makes up a true worshiper, to sing what you mean and mean what you sing.

When we were younger do you remember parents or grandparent putting money in our hands and telling us to put into the donation box? Encouraging us to give? Christine’s Ah Ma putting some money into grand-daughter’s hand to offer them into the blue offering bag, what a way to give to the Lord I wondered. Then I felt that she practicing something that she want her children to practice too, that is to give to the Lord and of cause never come to the house of the Lord, that really touches my heart, I mean this ideas surely didn't cross my mind while many give our tithing just because we have to give ya?

Plus the way they welcome the new comers make them really spontaneous!

Believe it or not, it is in this Hokkien service that I understand why one of Jesus’s name is called “The Prince of Peace”. The topic is the same as I listen Ps Lawrence preach in English today, and I am glad that I heard it in Hokkien (& Mandarin). God is just Wow… isn’t it?

Year of Victory!

Victory #1

This happens on the 9^th Mar 2007, received a call from 1 of my friend that the result is out again. My 3^rd attempt, nervous and excited, the same feeling I had few months back. I was defeated twice for this same final subject. It was no baby food a full growth Mr. Ego can swallow easily. But failure wasn’t something I hold during this time, “there is something that He wants me to go through, something He wants me to learn, and something He wants me to do… Ok! Let’s do it again!”

And went another 3months and S$1,900, Painful and expensive lesson(S), nevertheless in this final round, I KO myself & I won! Finally I can graduate from my course after more then 4 years! All Glory to God!

God impressed on me that He is more then a God of 2^nd chance. If we don’t throw in the white towel then victory is definitely ours! Because He is fore us! In a boxing match, you can get beaten for as many rounds, but just need the final round to KO your opponent and be victorious. Many of us got bash time after time, but when we have the have the determination and right attitude, with HIM, we will overcome. (I can do everything through him who gives me strength. Philippians 4:13)

I must admit that many times I did not have the right attitude, but thanks to all who had encouraged me, be it in good way or bad way (e.g how long more you want to take this course? With the time you used for this course you should grad as PhD … HAHA) all has been words of encouragement it is how we want to take it, they can constructive criticism ya?

Write again

Write again

For what ever reasons, I suddenly feel like writing again, my last post was way back in 25th July 2004.

Recent years I have experience many things, learning and going through trials, knowing people, new friends, and colleagues and so on... And most importantly how God has changed my life..

Positive or negative comments & feedbacks, arguments, debates, words encouragement, cool phrases, mistakes or victories, truths & lies, honeyed words hehe.. All this are mostly kept in my mind. Those that are more significant, I could more or less remembers them, but if I forget, they are gone forever. Whatever it is, I want to write them down as much as I can, so as to be encourage again when I reads them again and to encourage those who (will ever) reads it.

This time I like to write them in more proper English! Hopefully by doing this I can also improve myself.

Let's go!